My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked