A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?