Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good