why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We need to feng shui this bitch.