i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
