It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
