your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
