I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
