I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
