I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
