So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
