if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
