Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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