Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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