I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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