dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
