The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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