love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
