I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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