Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
