I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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