I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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