I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
