her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never underestimate the power of titties
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
