Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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