i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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