I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize