Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
