Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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