It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
