I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
