I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
