yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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