do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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