My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
