Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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