to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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