I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
