We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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