Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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