i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize