Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
