I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
