What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
