soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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