ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize