Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
