Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
