My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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