I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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