don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
