They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found the puke drawer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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