I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
