It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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