Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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