were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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