the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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