I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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