that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
