I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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