Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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