Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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